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The often discussed, much maligned, and occasionally defended 'hookup culture' bears a name that perfectly captures the boring, lifeless, and dull sexuality that dominates the lives of too many young Americans. It is mechanical, technical, and instrumental. 'Hooking up' sounds like something people in a bedroom would do with a desktop computer or DVD player, not something they would do with each others' bodies. It is a term belonging to machinery, not humanity.
George Carlin said that 'language always gives us away.' The term 'hookup culture' turns the electrifying mystery of romance—powered by the surge of a smile from a stranger across the room, the heat generated by hands on an unfamiliar set of hips on the dance floor, and the sweet synchronicity of flirtation—into the predictability of an oil change.
In her important, wise, and brave new book, The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Intimacy, Donna Freitas, scrutinizes, analyzes, and criticizes hookup culture after spending time on several college campuses interviewing thousands of students about sex, romance, and the social pressure to conform to a culture that, in her words, promotes and produces 'bad sex, boring sex, drunken sex you don't remember, sex you couldn't care less about, sex where desire is absent, sex that you have just because everyone else is too or that just happens.' The short book, written in the style of an informative and impassioned pamphlet, is painfully accurate in its assessment of the idiocy that passes for sexuality in the dormitory. Freitas' argument is well-researched and well-grounded, and she is sharp enough to condemn hookup culture on sexual grounds, rather than ethical grounds. Her solutions to the problem, jammed into the end of the book, are rather weak and unpromising, but her indictment couldn't be stronger.
Based on her discussions with college students across the country, Freitas provides three criteria for defining a hookup: 1) A hookup involves some form of sexual intimacy. 2) A hookup is brief—it can last a few minutes or, at the most, a few hours. 3) (This is the most important part) A hookup is intended to be purely physical in nature and involves both parties shutting down any communication or connection that might lead to emotional attachment.
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Freitas describes innumerable stories of what passes for the romantic lives of contemporary college students—vet each through social media, eye each other at a party, drunkenly fall into bed, and escape before any thought of feeling can color the experience with the beautiful, but distractive stain of humanity. Highlights from the book include a young man masturbating into the mouth of a nearly comatose young woman, a young woman blowing a guy she just met because it 'seemed like the thing to do,' and countless couples going on 'traditional dates' only after engaging in 'serial hookups.'
Freitas recognizes that the most lamentable aspect of hookup culture is not, as some social conservatives would argue, that it will lead to the moral decay of a modern Sodom and Gomorrah, but that it is so boring. Christopher Hitchens wrote in his memoir, Hitch-22, that there is nothing worse that boring people. Hitchens was correct, and even doubly so if one applies his wisdom to sexuality. Is there anything possibly worse than boring someone in bed?
Hanna Rosin, in her defense of hookup culture, wrote that it enables young women to seek out their sexual partners like 'headhunters' thumbing through the most qualified applicants for an open position at a business, while maintaining freedom to focus their attention and energy on professional pursuits. It is difficult to imagine anything that sounds duller, and it is challenging to consider a more stiflingly narrow vision for a short life.
I teach literature courses at the University of St. Francis just outside of Chicago, and I've noticed that students rarely even flirt on campus (a big change since I graduated college in 2007). Freitas told me that she ends every course she teaches with a plea that students, in future classes, 'try to look up from the laptops and various devices once in a while, to notice that there was a professor talking to them, and potential friends and romantic partners sitting in the room with them.'
Freitas's work is important because it offers a third way toward sexual independence and autonomy in an America caught between Puritanism and pornography. Rather than morally condemning college students for promiscuity or telling them to treat romance with the detached analysis of the headhunter, she is promising them that better sex—more fun, excitement, and intensity—is available if they only invest more of themselves than their genitals into the experience.
Freitas writes that hookup culture is, perhaps, above all other things, 'ironic.' 'While being sexually active is the norm for students,' she claims, 'the sex itself becomes mechanical as a result of so much repression of emotion.' She goes onto argue that 'college is supposed to be a time when young people get to let go of repression' and that doing so would enable young people to experiences sex that is 'good, empowering, and pleasurable.'
Pop culture is in the best position to reframe the romantic approach of teenagers and 20somethingsThe importance of Freitas's message and the urgency of her purpose overshadow the dubiousness of her proposed solutions. She recommends that professors incorporate discussions of hookup culture in their English, sociology, psychology, and philosophy classrooms, and she also suggests that parents take a more active role in steering their children away from participation in the hookup lifestyle. Eighteen-year-olds removed from the restrictions of their home for the first time are probably not eager to accept advice from their parents on when and how to sleep with their classmates. The corduroy jacket-wearing literature professor with a white mustache probably won't have much of an influence either.
The other flaw in Freitas' book is that she gives feminism a pass, even while acknowledging that many feminist writers have welcomed the destruction of the traditional date, because such courting rituals 'propped up patriarchy,' as one feminist critic quoted in the book put it. The benefits and advantages of feminism are obvious to any reasonable and moral person, but every ideology has a dark side and every action has unintended consequences. It seems legitimate to wonder if feminism has unwittingly equalized the sexual playing field to allow women the freedom to behave with as much recklessness as men, as Ariel Levy argued in Female Chauvinist Pigs.
Professors and parents can intercept these questions, but most college students will probably ignore their answers. Pop culture is in the best position to reframe the romantic approach of teenagers and 20somethings. The shift from the sensuality and sweetness of Smokey Robinson and Motown to the aggression and misogyny of Jay Z and hip hop is one of many pop cultural changes indicating how entertainment reinforces and shapes hookup culture. Freitas convincingly demonstrates how Sex and The City, despite its flaws, depicted sex as fun, exciting, and pleasurable, while Girls equates sex with misery and boredom. It is difficult to determine how much pop culture influences the lives of young people or how much the lives of young people influence pop culture, but a rescue from the mechanical tedium of the hookup seems most likely to arrive on the television, movie screen, or in song, if it ever arrives at all.
Too many young Americans might be too busy and blinded by monetary goals and financial pressures to notice such a rescue, regardless of the form it takes. The prevailing lifestyle choice of Americans seems to be to live as torpedoes. You have a launching point and an ultimate destination, and nothing is going to distract you from your pre-planned course. As The End of Sex shows, and as even Hanna Rosin's defense of hookup culture reveals, sex is dangerous and subversive to the torpedo mindset because it should involve risk, commitment, and depth. Most threateningly, it could lead to love.
Last updated on October 21st, 2021
If you are looking for the best places to meet girls in Virginia Beach with a dating guide then we have you covered. It won’t take long for you to read where to pick up single women and about some of the best spots for a date night in town.
We will also be giving a little bit of advice on Norfolk as well since it is so close, but most of this post is about the beach. People from all over the Northeastern US come here all summer long to enjoy the sun, sand, nightlife, and maybe even to hook up.
In fact that nightlife is where we will begin as we list the best nightclubs and pick up bars to meet single girls in Virginia Beach. Then we will talk about where you can try to meet women during the day and also a solid online dating option for guys who just want to have a little fun on their trip.
Table of Contents
After all the pick up spots are covered we will transition to our dating guide. There are numerous romantic restaurants and cocktail bars that are good for a date night.
Whether you need to have a good weekend with the wife or are coming here to try and get laid with strange ladies we have plenty of info forthcoming.
Nightclubs & Pick Up Bars
For some specific singles bars and nightclubs to pick up girls in Virginia Beach try visiting:
- Omega Bar at 928 Diamond Springs Rd
- Peabody’s Night Club at 209 21st St
- Upscale Restaurant & Lounge 6505 College Park Sq
- Allure 30/30 at 470 Newtown Rd
- Edge at 2108 Atlantic Ave
- Sky Bar at 3001 Atlantic Ave
- Lunasea at 206 22nd St
- Waterman’s Surfside Grille at 415 Atlantic Ave
- Catch 31 Fish House & Bar at 3001 Atlantic Ave
- Central 111 Tapas Lounge at 401 N Great Neck Rd STE 111
- Elevation 27 at 600 Nevan Rd
- Lynnhaven Pub at 2236 W Great Neck Rd
Like most touristy beach towns the singles nightlife here will not be at all hard to figure out. It can be pretty much summed up by saying go to the beach after dark and walk towards any loud music that you hear.
That may oversimplify it a bit, but not too much. The main bar strip is alive and well each night, for some specific streets that are lively try out the area around 21st and 22nd where they intersect with Pacific and Atlantic. You can also find more bars to try and hook up with Virginia Beach girls at inland by Town Center.
That Youtube video was shot at Peabody’s when they had a pillow fight. They also do other fun events like bikini contests and even a recent sexiest dad bod contest. Guys from nearby towns may want to visit in late August when the yearly Funkfest Beach Party is held.
If you want to try to hook up with girls in Norfolk the main singles nightlife area is on Granby Street. Just head to the Tap Room at 101 Granby and you will be walking distance from many other places to party and try to get laid. You could also read our Baltimore nightlife guide for men if you want to visit that town, for somewhere closer head to Richmond.
Meet Virginia Beach Girls During The Day
Day game here also is pretty easy to figure out. Girls travel to Virginia Beach for the beach, so that would probably be a good spot to meet them right?
Beach game isn’t the easiest, but if you put in the effort and don’t get caught staring too often you can make it work. You could also visit some nearby malls and shopping districts where women should be walking around during the day like:
- Lynnhaven Mall
- Greenbrier Mall
- Town Center
- Norfolk Premium Outlets
- MacArthur Center in Norfolk
- Salem Crossing Shopping Center
- Red Mill Commons
Chat With Girls Online
Considering we are posting this in the 21st Century we have to give online dating a shout out don’t we? If nightlife is the main way most people hook up or start a relationship then online dating has to be a close second, and in all likelihood it is probably first.
No matter where it ranks it is a very valuable resource for all single men out there, it is truly the new speed dating. Most already know about the best dating sites to find our soul mate, but not all of us are ready for that just yet.
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Many guys will travel to try and hook up with girls in Virginia Beach, but there are tens of thousands of women using Adult Friend Finder across the Eastern Seaboard who are just as ready to get laid as you are. You can find hundreds if not more across Virginia, some by the beach, some women in Norfolk, and many in other towns nearby.
Girls only sign up for a site like Adult Friend Finder when they want to get laid. They aren’t going to make you wait til the third date to get a hug, they are primed and ready to hook up before you even send them that first message.
Virginia Beach Dating Guide
What Is The Best Hookup Site For Atlantic City Hotels
Now that you know of the best places to meet single girls near you our Virginia Beach dating guide will help you figure out how to show them a good time. Getting them to go out with you is great, but now you really need to shine if you want things to keep proceeding in the right direction.
Try taking them to one of these romantic restaurants or cocktail bars on your date night:
- Aldo’s Ristorante at 1860 Laskin Rd
- Ruth’s Chris Steak House at 205 Central Park Ave
- Coastal Grill at 1440 N Great Neck Rd
- The Melting Pot at 1564 Laskin Rd #182
- Terrapin Restaurant at 3102 Holly Rd #514
- Becca at 4200 Atlantic Ave
- Blue Pete’s at 1400 N Muddy Creek Rd
- Repeal Bourbon & Burgers at 202 22nd St
- Hot Tuna at 2817 Shore Dr
- Bahama Breeze at 4554 Virginia Beach Blvd #10
- Gershwin’s at 332 Granby St in Norfolk
- Croc’s 19th Street Bistro at 620 19th St
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You can always watch the sunset by the beach, or just walk along the water holding hands for hours. For a good date night spot in Norfolk try Monastery Restaurant at 443 Granby.
Day Date Ideas
This is another time where you don’t really want to reinvent the wheel. Just like in our day game section if most girls come to Virginia Beach to be out on the sand then do that on your day date.
Find a fun bar near the water to grab some lunch and drinks before you head out to the beach. You could also go to First Landing State Park or Trashmore Park and check out the cool natural beauty that each offer. The Norfolk Botanical Gardens would also work well.
Another fun day date idea would be to head to Topgolf at 5444 Greenwich Rd. For something more sophisticated try out one of these:
- Virginia Museum of Contemporary Art
- Virginia Aquarium & Marine Science Center
- Cape Henry Lighthouse
Washington DC could make for a good weekend getaway if you live around these parts.
Enjoy Dating Virginia Beach Girls
That is all the info we have for you, in a beach town like this it really shouldn’t be that difficult to figure things out. Get a hotel near the main bar strip and the best singles nightlife will be walking distance which is always a plus.
Don’t forget about all the single women on Adult Friend Finder along the Eastern Seaboard who are always ready for you to message them and hook up. That wraps up our best places to meet girls in Virginia Beach with our dating guide, enjoy your time here.