Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Act
- Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Act
- Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Active
- Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Act Season
- Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Act 1
I’ve had a few discussions with women about “commitment-phobic men” recently. That is, men who have a “fear of commitment” when it comes to relationships.
The typical scenario where a woman will label a guy a “commitment phobe” is when he’s been seeing a girl for a while – they spend the majority of their time together, they eat together, they sleep together and so forth….but he won’t commit in an official sense. That’s usually when they’ll come to me looking for answers.
In my experience, men often need to back off for a bit when things get a little closer. That doesn't necessarily mean he no longer is interested. The best thing you can do is just calmly let him be. Things That Turn Men Off 1. If You Have A Foul Mouth. And we don’t mean the kind that’s too fond of four-letter words. There are few bigger turn offs for men than an overly negative, toxic person with nothing nice to say about anyone. Tip: The best way to impress a guy is to be enthusiastic, whether about the things he likes or that you do.
Well, let’s get into this…
First, I can tell you right off the bat that he’s not a “commitment-phobe.” That term was invented by some psychologist to diagnose .0001% of the population for a very specific, extreme condition. However, as with nearly every psychological diagnosis, it gets slapped on everyone the moment it becomes popular…
I’m ADD. I’m OCD. I’m biploar, and on and on and on. Enough with the amateur psychological diagnoses. Let’s look at what’s actually going on here.
Most likely scenario: The placeholder relationship.
This is an instance where I have to be blunt. It’s not that he’s afraid to commit to the girl… it’s that he’s (and I cringe to type these words) not that into her… but into her enough to have her companionship, emotional support, and sex.
When it comes to all things sex and companionship, a guy will say, “Sure, if you’re offering…”
Problem is, guys typically have a terrible gauge on whether or not they’ll catch feelings for the girl. For most guys, he won’t catch feelings for the girl as long as he never looks to her for emotional support.
Once a guy starts leaning on a girl emotionally, he starts becoming attached to her on an emotional level. Now the girl who he only intended to keep around to keep from being lonely becomes this pseudo-girlfriend.
On the one hand, he cares for her and wants her around. After all, he feels better when she’s there versus when she’s not.
On the other hand, he feels that he can do better… and he intends to. The rationale he makes in his head is that once he “gets himself together” (that is, he starts actually doing the things in his life that he intends to do), he’ll break things off with his not-girlfriend all good and tidy and go for the girl he actually wants to be with.
The only problem is… most people go their whole lives intending to do what they’ve always wanted to do, but they never get around to it.
Instead, in these instances, men fall deeper into their “not-girlfriend” relationship.
The girl supports him emotionally and faithfully acts as his crutch so that he can find his strength and become the man he’s always wanted to be. She aims to bring him comfort and relief from his painful and tragic life.
What ends up happening is he becomes dependent on her to be his emotional crutch. Instead of getting stronger, he gets weaker and more attached to this girl.
So months or years go by and the girl just figures (even after all this time) that if she just loves him enough, he’ll be strong enough to love her back. At this point, she’s in deep too – she’s invested so much into a relationship that she hopes will someday happen, but has yet to ever make its debut into reality.
So now we’re at this point: Girl has poured months or years of love and obsession into this guy, hoping he’ll one day come around. Guy has become emotionally dependent on the girl for her love and support, but he knows in his heart that the situation isn’t what he actually wants.
And here’s where it gets really perverse: On some level, both parties know that if the guy gets into a place of true emotional strength and independence, he’ll leave the girl. It’s subconscious in most cases, but I’ve seen it play out enough times that it’s prevalent in these situations.
What ends up happening is that the guy will make sure the girl has just enough hope to keep chasing him. The girl will make sure that he’s as emotionally dependent on him as she can get him to be.
In these arrangements, you’ll notice that when one side starts to stray, the other side will undermine them.
If the guy starts getting himself together, the girl will find some way to subtly undermine his progress – usually through comfort, but sometimes through less pleasant means.
If the girl starts to give up on him, he’ll find some way to subtly give her hope for some kind of future. After all, he doesn’t want to lose his emotional crutch/sexual outlet security blanket – then he’d be not only emotionally weakened, but also alone.
Said simply, both sides will do things to entrench the other side exactly where they’re at.
So how does it all end?
Typically…. heartbreak. What usually ends up happening is that sooner or later, the “better thing” the guy was waiting for appears and the moment it does, he disappears.
If you’re the guy, this isn’t such a bad situation since he was able to enjoy a cozy comfortable pseudo-relationship in between.
Moreover, he can always say, “Well, we were never in an official relationship. What did you think was going to happen?”
Which brings me to my point…
I don’t know what happened to this culture… I don’t know if it was Hollywood movies, music, TV, an ever-increasing sense of entitlement, a decline in social perceptiveness across the populous… but let’s nail this down.
If you’re seeing a guy for a few weeks, everything is up in the air – just relax and let things run their course without being worried.But if you’ve spent the majority of your free time with a guy for the last couple of months – you eat together, sleep together and support each other emotionally – and he’s making no effort to lock you down… then you’re in a “placeholder relationship.”
To be honest, there’s nothing wrong with that IF both sides are on the same page. Unfortunately, I have yet to see an instance where both sides are on the same side.
Which brings me back to things I’ve said again and again…
You’re single until he specifically locks you down and says you’re in an exclusive relationship together. Until then, you’re single and shutting down your options or effectively removing yourself from the dating pool will hurt your chances of getting into a relationship, not help them…
People who have great relationships didn’t bet on a losing horse and magically turn him into a winning horse. A winning relationship is a great relationship from the start. – In almost all cases where I get questions, it’s because the woman knows the answer to her question, but she doesn’t want to believe it. She wants to believe that her fantasy will come true in a hopeless scenario. My advice: stop betting on losing horses. Romantic turnarounds were invented by Hollywood precisely because they’re an impossible fantasy. Stop with it already.
Don’t make your relationship the source of happiness that you then, in turn, bring into your life. Source your happiness from your life and bring it into your relationships. – Easier said than done, but it is one of the key secrets. The people who “parasite” all the happiness of their life from their relationship find that the well runs dry very quickly. Whereas the people who love their lives and bring that energy to their relationship make the relationship better and better, stronger and stronger.
Hope it helps,
eric charles
Years ago, I was having lunch with a woman who would eventually become one of my closest friends.
At the time of our lunch all those years ago, we were new colleagues, and we soon discovered we had a plethora of things in common — our love of sex being one of them.
To say she and I had great ease in talking about sex in our marriages would be an understatement. To this day, she is a confidante who I know will always be up for a transparent and authentic conversation about sexual struggles and sexual joys.
At our first lunch together, we eventually came upon the topic of oral sex, to which I said, “Who doesn’t love oral sex?!” She looked at me quizzically and asked, “Giving or receiving?”
“BOTH,” I answered enthusiastically. She agreed.
I know there are many wives out there who have never given oral sex to their husband, or if they have, they do not enjoy it. The reasons can vary, but suffice to say, most reasons would fall into at least one of the below categories:
“I can’t do it without gagging.”
“I associate it with promiscuous behavior.”
“Oral sex is something I did before I was married, and now I feel guilty doing it.”
“It just grosses me out.”
“I don’t think it’s a Christian thing to do.”
“It hurts my neck.”
“I don’t want him to come in my mouth.”
“I don’t know how to give oral sex right.”
“I’m self conscious. I just don’t know what I’m doing.”
If you are steadfast against giving oral sex to your husband, I am not sure if anything I write here is going to sway your opinion the other direction. I also recognize that some couples have mutually agreed to not include oral sex in their sexual intimacy, and I respect this choice.
My experience has been, though, that the exclusion of oral sex is rarely a mutual decision. Someone in the marriage has selfishly dismissed it without genuinely thinking through that decision (or the impact it has on their spouse). My heart is always to challenge people where they may be sabotaging intimacy.
If you are a wife who wants to bless your husband with oral pleasure and — dare I say — get to the point you love it, then stick with me sister. I can help you.
From a biblical standpoint, many theologians (and average everyday Christians) agree with the interpretation of Song of Songs in the Old Testament. This poetic book gives us great imagery of passionate sexual love between a husband and wife. The challenge, of course, is that it is told primarily in allegory and metaphor.
The words “sex” and “oral sex” don’t appear in the book of Song of Songs. But we do get the below passages…
“Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” Song of Songs 2:3
“Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” Song of Songs 4:16
“I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride. I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk.” Song of Songs 5:1
“My lover has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my lover’s and my lover is mine; he browses among the lilies.” Song of Songs 6:2-3
I know. Allegory and metaphor.
For a moment let’s put the interpretation debate aside and rely instead on good ol common sense. You would be hard pressed to find any married couple who thinks the only appropriate way to kiss is face to face with our mouths and lips.
We intuitively know that sexual passion affords us the freedom to kiss our spouse’s neck or their hand or their chest. A husband longs to kiss his wife’s breasts; a wife longs to be aroused this way. And those touches (just to name a few) are arousing.
So why would using our mouth to sexually bless our spouse’s genitals be any different?
It is no different. God has not arbitrarily drawn a line anywhere on our spouse’s body to indicate where sexual pleasure with our mouth is off limits.
“Okay, Julie, even if I can accept that oral sex is okay in God’s eyes, I’ve got all these other hurdles to get past.”
What if I have a strong gag reflex?
If your gag reflex is strong, then you will not be able to take your husband’s penis as deep into your mouth or you will have to go slower and/or you will not be able to swallow when he ejaculates. However, I think a lot of these can be overcome simply through practice.
Note to husbands: If her gag relfex is strong, then you may have to modify your expectations. Certainly you need to not force yourself deeper into her mouth.
Wives, if you can’t handle him coming in your mouth, then ask him to alert you that he is going to come. Pull his penis out of your mouth and let him come on your breasts or on a towel.
What if I associate oral sex with promiscuous behavior?
If you gave someone else (or even your husband) oral sex before you were married, good news! If you repent of that sin, you are indeed forgiven. What made oral sex wrong in those instances wasn’t the act itself, but rather the context in which it happened.
Same can be said when sex is portrayed among singles or glamorized in media, pornography or advertising — context means everything. When sex is taken out of the context of the exclusivity and sacredness of the covenant of marriage, that’s when it becomes sinful.
Oral pleasure with your husband is good and holy and God-honoring. You can choose to not associate oral sex with promiscuous behavior. Your mental stumbling block in this regard is self-created, so choose instead to embrace a healthier perspective.
Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Act
What if I’m concerned about his hygiene?
This may seem obvious, but have you asked him to shower before he comes to bed — or at the minimum wash his penis and testicles well with a washcloth? I’m guessing that if you make this request with the suggestion that you would then be interested in oral sex, he will oblige.
Note to husbands: Come to bed clean guys. Come on. Clean yourself up down there. Trim the hair a little if you need to; wash thoroughly.
What if I don’t know what I’m doing?
Most insecurities about giving oral sex can be overcome by simply asking him to tell you what feels good. Be honest. Say to him, “I want this to be really good for you, but you’re going to have to help me. Tell me what feels good and what doesn’t.”
When he gives you suggestions, don’t get defensive. The more you can develop good vulnerable dialogue about your sexual intimacy, the better!
Trust me, he wants it to feel good too, so I think he will welcome your request for input.
Note to husbands: Kindly give her some feedback and suggestions. Likewise, ask her what feels good when you please her orally.
What if my neck hurts?
An easy solution to this is have him sit on the edge of the bed and you kneel on the floor as you perform oral sex on him. This way your neck is in a more comfortable position.
What do I do to make oral sex incredible for him?
Beyond asking him what feels good, there are some other techniques that are sure to increase his arousal and enjoyment of oral sex.
Men typically are visual, so have some light in the room and position yourselves so that he gets a good view of what you’re doing. This is easily accomplished by him propping a few pillows behind him.
Also, use your tongue gently up and down the shaft of his penis and his testicles, in addition to taking his entire penis in your mouth. A variety of touches, firm and gentle, with your tongue and hands can make oral sex off the charts for him.
Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Active
I’ve long said that a good blow job is part hand job too, so don’t think for a moment that you have to use only your mouth. Use your hand as well to stroke his penis firmly as you bring his penis in and out of your mouth. For that matter, don’t be shy about rubbing his penis on your breasts. This can be very arousing for him and quite the visual experience as well.
Oral sex can fit well into your sexual intimacy, often as part of foreplay and occasionally as the main act all together. Communication is key.
I get why he enjoys it. But how can I love giving it?
As a wife, you ethically are the only one in your husband’s life who can sexually please him. No one else is charged with that privilege and responsibility. There is tremendous power in that, and I would argue it is a good and righteous power, because it is a pathway to deeper intimacy with the man you married.
When you grow in your confidence in sexually arousing him, I believe you can find enjoyment in this. You can love giving your husband oral sex, because it’s never just about sex. It’s about blessing the man you fell in love with.
For more reading specifically on oral sex, check out these posts:
And from other bloggers…
For more reading, cruise through my list of past posts. as well as my page with a bunch of posts on orgasm.
Copyright 2019, Julie Sibert. Intimacy in Marriage Blog. Links may be monetized.
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Who Is The Guy Off The Dating Site In The Act Season
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